Kiss Me, I'm a Working Momma

Hmm, well, I think the title of this post just says it all--it is hard to be a working parent.  (I am not trying to take away from working daddies or stay at home moms, those are equally tough but I can only write about what I know, which is being a working momma and missing out on a lot of things with Teddy as a result.)  Some days are way better than others, and some you just cannot believe the clock only moved 5 minutes since the last time you checked.  The guilt I feel as a working parents at times is also a battle, though, as my friend Anita always says "no one will make you feel as guilty as you will make yourself feel," and it's so true.  There are days where I cry just looking at a photo and wishing I could have more time to play with him and just watch him grow.  Other days, I feel guilty because work is a bit of an escape from the grind of raising a rambunctious boy.  It's a never ending cycle of guilt for me.  (I have no idea how single parents do this, honestly, you have something I am lacking because I have a husband, in-laws and a babysitter to help me make this work, so kudos to single parents for just making it happen.)

But on those worst days, when I am just crying for no reason and just wishing I could get home to him faster, well, those are the days I think he hugs me the tightest (I am not imagining that right?).  Those are the days I get the best hugs, lots of kisses and "Momma I love you's" and it fills my heart right back up.  When you carry that baby you just have that bond that is so in tune and they call it "mother's intuition" but I think that Teddy has it too.  He knows when I need him the most and seems to ask for me a little more than Daddy that day, just filling that spot in my heart that needs a little lift.

I just hope one day he will understand that I am working because I truly think it makes me a better Momma to him.  I want to be there as much as I want to give him things, but above all else, I just need to be the best Momma I can be, and I think for me that includes being a working Momma (and let's be honest, I had a great example of a working Momma who is my best friend to this day and a Daddy who was there for everything even though he worked a lot too).  I am so blessed to have a supportive husband who fills in when I cannot be around, a supportive group of friends and a semi-flexible job with supportive super-structure.  We are also blessed to have an amazing babysitter, Miss Carrie, who really helps us fill the gaps.  Teddy loves her so, and who wouldn't, she is amazing.  I could not do this without them, so from the bottom of my heart, thank you.  As another friend says, you cannot be a working mother and be a control freak, so I am working on letting the little things pass and concentrating on the big ones, while asking for more help along the way.

It is so true it takes a village to raise a child, support a mommy and make a family and I so appreciate my village.  Thank you to my village, whether you are in DC, Lee County, Texas, New York, Boston or half-way around the world, each of you adds to my ability to be a better working mother, and for that, I am forever grateful.  Thank you to my Teddy for always knowing when I need him the most and thank you to my husband Adrian for your support, you are both my world and my inspiration.

My cup runneth over

Teddy Driving the Tractor with Pawpaw

We just returned from Thanksgiving in Jonesville with my family and friends.  One thing that is important to me is that Teddy understands where I grew up, the foundation it gives you and the roots he has in that family.  I have said before that I can look back more fondly at growing up in such a small place and appreciate it now that I have a child (I am still not sure how you raise a child in a city, this plagues me at night.).  Every trip to Wal-Mart is a reunion of some sort and seeing friends that I rarely see but we carry on as if we have not skipped a beat.  I love that about Jonesville.  I love the simplicity of it all and the homey feeling I get.  It restores my soul to see those beautiful mountains, with their mist and fog, the deer darting out, the sound of tractors humming and cows mooing.  (Adrian has a hard time seeing the road at night in Jonesville because of the lack of ambient light, I think I just take for granted that we know the roads so well, we don't need the light to see.)  Even the stars are brighter there and make me feel so much closer to heaven. 

Making cupcakes with Nana

Playing with Nanny

It is so much fun to watch Teddy love the tractors, the cows, the deer, everything that a farm has to offer.  Every morning he would run and wake my father up to go ride the tractors and see the cows.  It was the highlight of his day.  He even learned how to raise and lower the bucket.  I love watching my father with Teddy and teaching him all the things he used to show me.  I can vividly remember getting on the loader with my Dad and riding with him to push the dirt around.  And my mother is just adorable with Teddy.  She gets down in the floor to color and they made cupcakes.  All Teddy could talk about was cupcakes and making them with Nana.  It reminds me of helping my Mom bake and watching her with Teddy, helping him stir and mix and play with the flour.  Watching your parents with your child is such a special thing and I am so lucky to have this opportunity.  Even more so when you factor in that I get to watch my Nanny with Teddy, which is also cute.  He likes to bring her his cane and show her his stickers.  It makes me miss my Grandma Adams a lot because she too would have had a real kick out of Teddy.  I can only dream that I will meet my grandchildren, much less my great grandchildren, so I know this is truly special.  Like I said, my cup runneth over.

When I close my eyes and think of Lee County, this is what I see

So Lee County, though I have cursed your name and praised you too, I do love you so.  You are such a part of me, in ways that are so ingrained, I am sometimes surprised at their appearance.  I am grateful for the friendships there, because just like Pooh says, "you are in my heart forever."  Thank you!

Christmas with Uncle Bobby

Cruising in my Vette

Music of my Heart

The one Halloween photo we managed

 Sometimes I feel like life is a series of songs that I am living, with the lyrics perfectly acting as the backdrop narration.  Music is and has been an important part of our life with Teddy--he even loves the songs I make up at night to sing.  (Sidenote, I always wished for a talent, like art or music but, sadly, I have not been blessed in that arena.  I just pretend and sing along anyway.)  Milestones have a way of reminding me how far Teddy has come in the past two years and having just made his 2nd year photo album and to see the growth and changes just blows my mind.  I have blinked and he is fully talking, running and drawing circles, counting and identifying shapes when he used to sort of babble, awkwardly walk and not really understand how to hold the pen at all.  This is the "Don't Blink" by Kenny Chesney section and every word of it is true.

With his cousin Jesse at Cox Farms

Then you watch him learn to interact with others, which is sort of challenging but he has gone from playing beside another child to forcing them to play tennis with him, so I feel it is sort of a work in progress.  The Terrible Two's are an understatement and Teddy likes to exceed expectations.  I was really worried to take him to Sunday School but his Aunt Beth, the teacher, assures me that he is good in her class (and leads me to ask why is he so bad when I am around?).  We have had a few incidents at school, but none as bad as the day we had to fill out the incident report.  Yes, Teddy got mad that another child would not share a toy with him, grabbed the toy and hit the poor child with the toy and scratched his face.  (This is all being typed as I cringe and apologize profusely to that child's parents.)  But ask Teddy, and he just wanted that toy.  (I was away in Boston for work when this happened and I told a few people about it.  Every single guy I told was so proud of Teddy and every single female was horrified for me. Mars/Venus for sure.)  I think this is the "I'm Sorry, So Sorry" by Brenda Lee song because I say that everywhere, literally, in restaurants, at the mall, at school, almost any where we go, I am apologizing for the wake we leave behind. Apparently for Teddy its more "Eye of the Tiger"

This is his Halloween costume. Seriously.

Then there is getting dressed, which is a huge battle, especially now with potty training (which is a true battle, no one tells you these things up front).  Teddy does not like wearing certain shirts, pants or shoes for no apparent reason on a particular day.  Halloween was one of those days.  He decided that he wanted to be a dinosaur but did not want to wear the costume.  So we went trick or treating to a few houses and he was literally doing the dinosaur yell to them in plain street clothes--they were confused.  But now, he LOVES the dinosaur booties I bought to match the costume.  "No Shirt, No Shoes, No Problem" again by Kenny; he apparently really gets the essence of Teddy.

But like the title, there is nothing like hearing Teddy tell me he loves me and that he wants another song. I suppose, as cheesy as it is, that is the "Music of my Heart," thank you N'Sync.  Sometimes there are just days I want to "Scream" like Janet "Miss Nasty" Jackson, but most days I just "Run to You" like Whitney did in the Bodyguard to pick you up at school (in fact, Adrian and I generally have a shoving match to see who can get down the stairs to him faster when we come home together from work).  Two songs that say it all are "God Gave me You" by Blake Shelton my dear Teddy and "Just the Way you Are" ala Billy Joel, and for that, I am eternally thankful and grateful.  

Embrace the Crazy



Force of Nature would be an understatement



I think many can agree that raising a boy is just different than raising a girl, at least that is what I gather based on watching others.  These beautiful girls will eat all daintily, not get too messy, then play very sweetly.  Then there is Teddy.  We often must change clothes four times a day, plus change Teddy four times, then there is food all over the floor, not to mention what is all over the table.  (I have never tipped so much in my life, that is how bad I feel. You may hate us while we are there but I try to make up for that when you see the check.) When Teddy has a playdate, he plays dictator (autocrat, Prime Minister Putin, whatever) and decides what every child must play with and when, which does not include his toys, only the ones he deems appropriate for them, which is usually tennis (wracket) or Playdoh. (I am embarrassed to admit that I only recently discovered that Teddy loves Playdoh and chalk.  He is loves to draw circles on everything and we are working on other shapes, which he recognizes, but he only draws and talks about circles.)

The hiding spot to avoid time out

I have just gotten to the point where I am embracing the crazy, as in the crazy that comes from being the mother of a toddler, a toddler boy.  I feel like I never know exactly what those mischievous eyes are plotting and I turn around to find him climbing to jump from the dining room table (true story), trying to open the freezer to get a pop (what he calls his Popsicles, a huge bribery tool), taking his tennis racket and beating the life out of the couch, watching him find dead bugs and try to eat them (they are all spiders to him or ladybugs and he loves them all) or, the best yet, taking his pen and drawing all over our wedding photo album (seriously, he was drawing circles on his table and next thing I knew, he had his Daddy looking like a scribble pad in our one of a kind wedding album, lovely).  Like I said folks, I am going to embrace it.  I mean he wants to scream at the top of his lungs in Target, I just let him, I mean why try and stop him.  He wants to throw pasta on the walls, let me show you where to aim.  It is too much work to try and keep everything under control constantly.  Teddy has no attention span and this blog sums it all up nicely.  Don't get me wrong, I am not going to let him harm your child, ruin your carpets/walls/china, but I am just not going to try and harness the wind EVERY SINGLE TIME IT BLOWS.  I have a full time job, I am a wife (I am sure I am not doing nearly as good a job at being a wife either but I am trying) and I am doing my best to raise Teddy to be a polite, cheerful young man, but there is only so much room in the day for everything.  I also feel like at some point, helicoptering in to save him from every possible peril just will not serve him in the long run.  The other day Teddy kept hitting his head on a shelf he was trying to crawl out of and another parent tried to rescue him and I stopped him, because I am convinced the only way he is going to learn to do things (and/or not do others) is to hit his head a few times (and no, I am not talking about letting him seriously endanger himself or try drugs, that is where I draw the line) to figure out you don't try to stand up under a shelf that is shorter than you are.  (I also think that sometimes you have to fail before you figure out how to succeed, and while my philosophy may change at points, I will not be that parent who is bailing him out of everything and only paving the way with roses and gold.  I failed, was not picked for things, lost contests and had disappointments, each of which taught me something about myself and I think they all combined to make me who I am, for better or worse.  I am not saying I won't try to counsel him or teach him or maybe even save him if he really needs it, just that some lessons are better learned in defeat.)

So Teddy, my darling, you are going to have to hit your head, slam your fingers in the drawer, eat it when its too hot, spill the glass of water and fall a few more times to learn these lessons.  It does not mean I do not love you, because I will always be here to kiss the boo boo's and wipe away the tears, it just means that I want to let you learn by doing and not by me doing it for you. (And, point of fact, I do want more/better for you, which is why I am working so hard (and your Dad too) to make sure you have access to even more (if that is possible) than I had access to.  But my parents did not do everything for me and you will have a summer job (like I had), you will be polite and take cottillion (because I had to take those lessons too), you will get a bad grade and be upset (but I won't be mad at you or even disappointed if it was the best your could do) and you may not get selected for the sports team (I did not make the 4th grade basketball team but I went on to play Varsity in high school and even got ejected from a game (long story and I still contend that I did not do it)).  One day you will look back on each of these events and each of them will represent a decision you made, a change in your path or lesson you had to learn the hard way, and in some way, each of them will somehow play a part in your fate, whether that be a very adorable scar you always have to explain, your second choice of schools you go to and meet the girl of your dreams or the new hobby you pick up in place of another.  I always say things happen for a reason and you just have to wait for it all to work out. And the crazy part is that you may have no idea how it will work out or what great things will come from your failure, but I promise that with time, that failure will seem a blessing and the chance it gives you to move on to something else will be more rewarding than what you could have imagined.  My advice is don't get bogged down in the crazy, embrace it and embrace that you are part of a plan, a fate and a destiny--embrace them and you will laugh more, cry harder and relish the victories with the knowledge that it all will work out in the end. 

So, I am going to embrace the crazy and let nature take her course, that winding path with no apparent plan, but so masterfuly executed that it seems obvious in the end.  

Lookalikes and Bad Reports at School

This is me at 2 looking like a boy

Everyone, and I mean, everyone always tells me how much Teddy looks and acts like Adrian.  Well, I am sure that is true, but then my Mom brought me some photos of me when I was two.  I think the evidence speaks for itself....(My friend Amanda was also kind enough to point out that it may be because his mannerism are so much like Adrian that it influences the choice. Hey, no offense here, because lately, Teddy is a disaster so I am happy to pass that off to Adrian.)

Me with my Cousin Tara (whose son is also a lookalike)

Tell me that this is not Teddy

Bad Reports:
Then there was also the dreaded day we thought was coming, Teddy's first bad report from school.  Apparently this whole terrible two's thing has gone from just being mean to Mommy to sometimes acting out at school.  I kept asking if they had witnessed it, but nothing was coming out, then came yesterday's report.  I will let it speak for itself.  I am just hoping that this will pass as quickly as it came. ( I love the part where he cries when they talk to him about his behavior, which I think is his way of trying to charm you out of punishing him....sneaky boy.)

The things that are Teddy

Teddy,

I have not really had time to write you a letter recently, but I thought this was as good a time as any.  You are really getting up there, you know 2 years old is the beginning of a whole new world.  In all honesty lovey, I cannot believe it has been two years.  It seems like literally a minute ago I was pregnant in the August heat waiting for you to arrive and here you are now, a little man.  You went from being that blobby little (well, let's be honest, you were a big baby) baby to this walking, talking, tantrum throwing, hugging and kissing little man.  I just marvel everyday at what you are learning and what you are picking up from the world.  Like today for example, you decided to start screaming the word "Booger" out complete with demonstration in case I was not clear what you mean by booger.  You are just so funny.

You love to sing.  Even when you are upset, you like to sing.  I have no idea where this came form but sometimes when we are just being quiet, I can hear you humming you favorite songs (either Pop goes the Weasel, or the Sad Little Puppy song).  You also love to give people hugs.  You are quite social and you especially love your family.  My favorite part of every day is when I come in the door and you run to me for a hug--it literally makes my day.

You are not a great sleeper.  I have no idea what we did wrong, but you are still not a great sleeper.  But I love that when you wake up in the middle of the night, you ask for us, Mama, Dada, and one of us comes to you.

You have a very mischievous side to you.  Your face has a particular look when you are about to do something and hope not to be caught.  I laugh at you and gasp at the same time because I am not sure where you get both the idea and the courage for some of your stunts.  You were crawling and walking early and you have not stopped since that time.  You are learning to play tennis now and make contact with the ball.  Sometimes you prefer to play golf with a tennis racket and do the best Johnny Mac we have ever seen with a racket, but most of the time, you really just want to hit the ball and see us clap for you.

You have been telling me a lot about your girlfriends from school and your best buds.  You seem to really be enjoying being around other people.  I can tell you that you get that from me; I love doing things with other people and I love my friends so dearly and I am sure you will too.  Always remember that the measure of a man is what he does when no one is looking and when he does not have to do anything.

You like to entertain everyone.  You make noises, play with their faces and do funny things for a laugh.  Sometimes I think you don't even know why its funny but you know others are laughing so you do it more.  I love this about you and I hope you never lose that exuberance.

The things that make you Teddy are the things I love most about you.  You really are out little man.  We cannot wait to see what you will become but I am excited to be there for it.

Love always and forever,


Your Momma

Teddy aka The Natural Disaster Azer's 2nd Birthday

Ready for Tennis!

Well, I would be lying if I did not admit that I have a "flair for the dramatic" and it appears that Teddy's may have inherited that same streak--in spades if his 2nd birthday week is any indication.  It is certainly unheard of in the DC area to have an earthquake, and well, to have a 5.9, it is probably a once in a lifetime event, but to follow that up with a Hurricane named Irene, well, that is just Mother Nature acknowledging a truth we know all too well, Teddy is a force of nature! (My personal belief is that Teddy ordered this up just to make sure EVERYONE knew it was his birthday so they would not forget but I am never sure what all that babble really is....)

Not Happy at all!

Preschool Party

Well, this one did not go quite as planned.  I picked up my parents, GrandNan and Pawpaw, who flew in just in time for this party and we rushed over to celebrate with cupcakes.  We got there and lo and behold, Teddy was NOT happy, in fact, that would be an understatement.  He wanted to GO HOME and he wanted to GO HOME NOW, no cupcake, no singing, no laughing, let's go people.  So we ended up leaving in the middle of that one because those other kids were loving those cupcakes and who am I to disturb a great cupcake.  As soon as we got to the car, he was fine, as if nothing has happened and he was readdy to hang out with GrandNan and Pawpaw...Weird.

Birthday Extravaganza

Teddy's 2nd Birthday extravaganza was to be held at the tennis center at the Club, followed by music with Groovy Nate and cupcakes.  (The Club literally asked me to cancel the party at 11:30 that morning and I almost blew a gasket, who cancels 3 hours before a party, but we got it straightened out.  I think people actually thought somehow a hurricane was going to be in Alexandria and did not realize that this would be less than any severe thunderstorm we have had this summer....oh well.)



Tennis Experts Jack "Bjorn Borg" and
Jesse "Sampras" Azer and Teddy "MacEnroe"



The Tennis party was so MUCH FUN!  I give major credit to the pro's who were able to entertain kids from ages 2-7 for 45 minutes in an organized fashion.  Teddy insisted on having his racket at ALL TIMES and tried out every single racket they had.  Pearl and Mason were the tennis champs for sure, hitting everything in sight and showing some real skills to these kids.  The adults got in on the action as well and I think tired themselves out instead of the other way around.

Avery Liou telling Teddy NO!

Groovy Nate was so fun and Jack led the team on this activity.  The dancing and singing was heard by everyone in the Club and I am sure they all felt it too and were afraid it was an aftershock during "Pop Goes the Weasel" which is for sure Teddy's anthem.  When he pops, he POPS!  Teddy also decided that he liked this kid he saw in the mirror and he liked them so much he decided to kiss that kid A LOT!  We would look over and see Teddy just kissing that reflection of himself over and over (I think he gets this from Adrian, I pretty much hate mirrors, I like to just pretend I know what I look like and stick with how I look in my mind vs. reality).  Then he decided that he wanted to love on Miss Avery (the only toddler lady at this shindig) and he came over and asked for her hand, to which she replied loudly NO.  Hilarious!  Her Daddy was so proud.

Rocking out to Groovy Nate

Temptation is hard to resist and Teddy decided he wanted to skip dinner and get to the cupcakes (maybe he is my kid after all).  Every time I turned my back, he had a new cupcake in his hands.  So I did what every Mother would do, I sent him to his Father with his bright red sticky hands! Needless to say, he slept well and basically asked us to put him to bed early!  We genuinely appreciate everyone who came to the party, sent us notes or called to say Happy Birthday to Teddy!

Things I Have Learned

Regardless of what party I plan (my wedding, a brunch, Teddy's 2nd Birthday) some weather event is going to interfere.  I need to somehow fake out Mother Nature and pick one date, then change to mix her up.  I have also learned that my child has a "lot of energy" as compared to other children.  He likes to express himself in many different ways, by screaming, crying and dropping to the ground and slamming his fists and kicking his feet. (Wonder where he gets this from? As I look around innocently.)  My Mother says he is going to be a "corker" and I am not sure what that means but he is our little (natural) disaster and we love and adore him!  Watch out world, Hurricane Teddy coming through!  If you are patient, God will reward you with more than you ever thought possible.  Thank you for teaching me that Teddy.

HAPPY 2ND BIRTHDAY TEDDY! We love you more than we can say and more than you will ever know!  You are a precious gift, tantrums and all, and we love your spunk and cannot wait to plan your next birthday already.  Much move, Mommy and Daddy

P.S. Your stats have improved, 26.3 pounds (35%), and 34.5 inches tall (50%) as of your 2nd birthday wellness checkup!  May God continue to bless us with your good health!



Snuggle Time with GrandNan



Birthday Hugs with PopPop and Baka



Hanging out with Jake and Amanda




Loving on Auntie Viv

 



Pop Goes the Weasel



Feeding Nana









The amazing Cars cookies!






Can you believe they got them all on the line?



Daddy and Auntie Viv



Dancing with Nana and Pawpaw