Hmm, well, I think the title of this post just says it all--it is hard to be a working parent. (I am not trying to take away from working daddies or stay at home moms, those are equally tough but I can only write about what I know, which is being a working momma and missing out on a lot of things with Teddy as a result.) Some days are way better than others, and some you just cannot believe the clock only moved 5 minutes since the last time you checked. The guilt I feel as a working parents at times is also a battle, though, as my friend Anita always says "no one will make you feel as guilty as you will make yourself feel," and it's so true. There are days where I cry just looking at a photo and wishing I could have more time to play with him and just watch him grow. Other days, I feel guilty because work is a bit of an escape from the grind of raising a rambunctious boy. It's a never ending cycle of guilt for me. (I have no idea how single parents do this, honestly, you have something I am lacking because I have a husband, in-laws and a babysitter to help me make this work, so kudos to single parents for just making it happen.)But on those worst days, when I am just crying for no reason and just wishing I could get home to him faster, well, those are the days I think he hugs me the tightest (I am not imagining that right?). Those are the days I get the best hugs, lots of kisses and "Momma I love you's" and it fills my heart right back up. When you carry that baby you just have that bond that is so in tune and they call it "mother's intuition" but I think that Teddy has it too. He knows when I need him the most and seems to ask for me a little more than Daddy that day, just filling that spot in my heart that needs a little lift.
I just hope one day he will understand that I am working because I truly think it makes me a better Momma to him. I want to be there as much as I want to give him things, but above all else, I just need to be the best Momma I can be, and I think for me that includes being a working Momma (and let's be honest, I had a great example of a working Momma who is my best friend to this day and a Daddy who was there for everything even though he worked a lot too). I am so blessed to have a supportive husband who fills in when I cannot be around, a supportive group of friends and a semi-flexible job with supportive super-structure. We are also blessed to have an amazing babysitter, Miss Carrie, who really helps us fill the gaps. Teddy loves her so, and who wouldn't, she is amazing. I could not do this without them, so from the bottom of my heart, thank you. As another friend says, you cannot be a working mother and be a control freak, so I am working on letting the little things pass and concentrating on the big ones, while asking for more help along the way.
It is so true it takes a village to raise a child, support a mommy and make a family and I so appreciate my village. Thank you to my village, whether you are in DC, Lee County, Texas, New York, Boston or half-way around the world, each of you adds to my ability to be a better working mother, and for that, I am forever grateful. Thank you to my Teddy for always knowing when I need him the most and thank you to my husband Adrian for your support, you are both my world and my inspiration.
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